A maniac's first attempt at a fic
by threelightsgirl
Summary: What happens when the power of fic-writing falls into the wrong hands....


Author's notes: I told you I'd get a stupid, funny fic up! In case you're wondering, Crystal is me. She's an insane lunatic with huge crushes on Seiya and Yaten, and they both don't like her. Alina and Ginga are her/my friends.   
  
Crystal: ::in a white void, staring hard at nothing:: Hm…. ::the Three Lights suddenly appear::  
Yaten: Ack! Where are we?  
Seiya: ::sees Crystal:: @#$%!!!!! GET ME OUTTA HERE!!!!!!!!!!!! ::runs:: ::doesn't get anywhere::  
Taiki: What's going on?!  
Crystal: I'm writing a fanfiction!  
Yaten: God help us….  
Seiya: Lemme guess, we're the unfortunate characters chosen for this 'fanfiction' of yours?  
Crystal: Yup!  
Seiya: ::looks skyward:: OH WHY?!?!?!?!  
Taiki: Er… that's nice and all but… What's this fanfiction about?  
Crystal: Huh?  
Taiki: I mean, so far you have the dialogue we just said, and a blank page. What's the plot?  
Crystal: Um… I haven't gotten to that part yet… I just wanted to write a fanfiction….  
Yaten: You have to have some sort of a story before you write a fanfic!  
Crystal: Hey, I'm working on it! This is my first published fanfic, give me a break! Now let's see, I have characters… what next…  
Seiya: ::looking around at the blank piece of document they're standing on:: Some scenery would be good…  
Crystal: Great idea! ::snaps fingers:: ::the Lights and Crystal are dropped into the middle of the ocean::  
Everyone: AA-splash- AAAC -gurgle-CCKKKK!!!!   
Crystal: Whoops… that didn't work too well… ::snaps fingers again:: ::everyone is standing at Juuban High, sopping wet::   
Three Lights: ::glare at Crystal::  
Crystal: Okay, okay, sorry, sorry! ::snaps fingers again, and everyone is dry::  
Yaten: Amateur writers…  
Crystal: ::glares at Yaten:: I'm not an amateur, I've been doing this for over a year!  
Yaten: Well then you just must be really, really bad…  
Crystal: AM NOT!!! ::tackles Yaten:: ::the two disappear in a cartoon fighting cloud of dust::  
Taiki and Seiya: ::sweatdrop::  
Taiki: This story has no purpose….  
Seiya: Whaddya expect, she's writing it…  
Crystal: I heard that!  
Taiki: Ya know, you could add something interesting to this… pathetic excuse for a fic… any time now…   
Crystal: Like what?  
Yaten: You think of something, you're the author!  
Crystal: Yeah but… what should I do?  
Seiya: Anything you want! Like Yaten said, you're the author! Just do whatever!  
Crystal: ::eyes get insane gleam:: Anything?  
Three Lights: ::gulp::  
Yaten: Seiya, can't you just keep your big mouth SHUT?!  
Seiya: Gomen…  
Crystal: I'VE JUST REALIZED IT!!!!! I'm the author!!! I control everything that goes on around here! I have ULTIMATE POWER!!!!!!!!! BWUHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!  
Three Lights: Eeep….  
Crystal: I can make you guys do anything! ANYTHING!!!! MUHAHAHAHAHHAHAHA!!!!!!  
Three Lights: Oh crud….  
Crystal: ::trademark insane gleam:: Now what to do first…. ::looks over Lights::  
Three Lights: ::gulp::  
Crystal: Heehee… ::snaps fingers:: ::Seiya is baking a cake in a kitchen that has just appeared, Yaten is raising money for charities on a street corner that just appeared, and Taiki is enthusiastically cheering and booing at a hockey game:: Hahahahahaha!!!!!!  
Seiya: ::mixing batter::  
Yaten: Help little homeless childern! Donate money! Every penny helps!  
Taiki: GO 26!!!! PASS TO 48, PASS TO 48!!! NO, DON'T SHOOT YOU IDIOT!!! WHAT?!?! THAT WAS SO IN!!!! KILL THE UMPIRE!!!!!!!  
Crystal: ::rolling around with laughter:: This is too fun… ::snaps fingers, and other senshi appear:: ::snaps fingers and ruins their characters::  
Lita: THE GEESE-PEOPLE HAVE ARRIVED!!!!  
Usagi: Would you kindly keep it down? Some people are trying to read here. ::turns back to 'Advanced Calculus, book 4'::  
Amy: Yeah, I'm trying to read my comic books!  
Rei: ::wolfing down cookies:: NUMMY!!!  
Mina: ::wearing a Wednesday Adams dress, sneaking up behind Yaten with a knife:: Heheheheh….  
Haruka: No! Don't hurt him! ::grabs Seiya's frying pan and bonks Mina over the head with it::  
Yaten: ::sees what's going on:: ACK! Don't hurt me! I dun wanna die!   
Mina: ::falls to the ground, unconcious, bump swelling on forehead from frying pan::  
Haruka: It's okay, the weirdo's gone now!  
Yaten: Yay!! You're so nice!  
Haruka: Thank you! Just trying to help out a fellow senshi, since we all must work together.  
Crystal: ::rolling around the floor with laughter:: This.. is… so… twisted… Haruka being nice to Starlights… HAHHAHAA!!!!  
Hotaru: Oh Helios… I've never told you this before but… I love you…  
Helio: Really? I love you too Hotaru!  
Hotaru: Oh Helios!!! ::they kiss::  
Chibiusa: WHAT?!?!!?   
Hotaru: Oh… eheh… hi Chibiusa…  
Chibiusa: Stealing me boyfriend behind my back?!?!?!  
Hotaru: Er…  
Chibiusa: You slut! ::slaps Hotaru::  
Hotaru: OW! B*tch!!! ::strangles Chibiusa:: ::the two disappear into a cartoon fighting dust cloud::  
Crystal: ::still laughing her head off:: I LOVE being an author!!! The power! THE POWER!!!!! OO! I can even mix and match couples!!!! YEAH!!!!! ::scenes all change::  
Setsuna: I LOVE YOU NEPTUNE!!!!  
Michiru: I LOVE YOU TOO PLUTO!!!! ::they embrace::  
Haruka: That's, okay, I'm not really gay anyway! ::runs off:: Oh Mamo-chan!!!!  
Seiya: ::making out with Yaten on the couch::  
Galaxia: Actually, I'm not really evil… my real name is Stephanie, and I'm sooo in love with Taiki!  
Taiki: But I already have a girlfriend! ::pulls up Rei:: See?  
Rei: I love you Taiki-kun!  
Galaxia: ::lower lip tremble:: B-b-but… WWWAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!  
Seiya: Yaten...  
Yaten: Seiya...  
Crystal: YES!!!! THE POWER!!!! THE POWER!!!!!!  
  
~Suddenly, out of the sky, a figure appears and storms into the fic~  
  
Alina: THIS HAD GONE FAR ENOUGH!!!!!!  
Crystal: Ack! What are you doing here?!?!  
Alina: This fic is sick, twisted, and absolutely pointless! It doesn't even deserve to be called a fanfic!!  
Crystal: Uh… ::snaps fingers:: ::nothing happens:: Hey! You're supposed to disappear when I snap my fingers!  
Alina: Not so!  
Crystal: Huh?  
Alina: You're forgetting something…. I KNOW WHAT YOU DID LAST SUMMER!!!!!  
Crystal: Eh?  
Alina: Wait, wrong line… I KNOW YOUR PASSWORD!!!!!  
Crystal: ::like Luke, when he finds out Darth is his dad:: NNNNNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!  
Alina: And I am officially ending this fic before it gets any weirder, if that's even possible, to save me from gaging!!! Honestly!!! The couples you think up are just SICK!  
Crystal: ::whimper:: I was just basking in the glory of virtual ultimate power… you don't have to be so harsh….  
Alina: Too bad! ::snaps fingers and everyone returns to normal state:: Ja! ::disappears::  
Crystal: No! Wait!! Don't leeeaavveeee me!!!  
Seiya: Why… am I.. on the couch with Yaten?  
Crystal: Well, I kinda thought you guys would make a cute couple…  
Everyone: WHAT?!?!?!?!  
Haruka: ::punchs Mamoru:: GET AWAY FROM ME!!!!  
Hotaru: ::blinks at Helios:: Er… what are you doing here?  
Usagi: ::staring at her book:: what the heck is this?  
Ami: ::looking at comic book:: This stuff will rot my brain!  
Mina: Ew! Why aren't I dressed in cool clothes?!  
Setsuna and Michiru: ::blink:: Er…  
Haruka: ::walks up to them, glaring::  
Crystal: I think… I better be going now… ::tries to sneak off unnoticed::  
Yaten: GET HER!!!!!!! ::senshi charge at her, weilding fists and yelling attacks::  
Crystal: ::takes off running:: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!  
Alina: ::appears again:: And the moral of the story is: Use ultimate power wisely.   
Ginga: ::appears as well:: I thought the moral was: Don't tell Alina your password.  
Alina: That too. ::they both disappear::  
Crystal: ::tackled and being beaten up by angry senshi:: HHHHHHEEEEEEEEEEELLLLLLLLLPPPPP!!!!!!  
  
  
More Author's notes: So, wha'd ya you think? Tell me about it! Fill in the review!!! PLEASE!!!!!!   



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